A Short History of Men and Women
By about 30,000 years ago, our ancestors had greatly increased in number and had evolved in body and brain very close to the physical likeness we are today. Very few physical changes have occurred in human bodies and brains over the past 30,000 years. (Some women complain that some men's behaviors have not improved much since then either!)
So here we are, still using a body and brain design that is approximately 30,000 years old! This body is designed primarily to survive and breed.
Why Men and Women Evolved With Differences
The primary reason for the differences between men and women today is due to how our ancestors lived and survived in prehistoric times. Ancient men were the hunters who concentrated on ways to effectively stalk, kill and transport home the catch-of-the-day for the family group or tribe. Hunting required creativity, cleverness, patience, and physical endurance. However, it did not require much talking or interaction with other men at a personal level. Men did not need to develop the personal communication and relationship skills that women did.
Success for a man back then was evident mostly in how well he survived as a hunter. Good hunters were very important for the group's survival. The best hunters were greatly respected and valued, and that earned them the power to control the group. This rewarding position at the top of the group came with valuable privileges.
In the ancient past, achieving high status as a great hunter and provider for the group got a man the best of what was available in the group. That usually meant he had first choice of food, comfort, and all the women for as much sex as he wanted. That was the best life a man could hope for in those bleak times. (Some guys think that sounds pretty good even today!)
Therefore, men were very competitive and competed for the rewarding position at the top of their group hierarchy to get the privileges. That competitiveness is still strong in men's DNA but is expressed today in different ways than hunting.
Most of today's men compete and and try to demonstrate their superiority by achieving, problem solving, and/or bragging. These are attempts at status building in men. Unconsciously most men work hard to prove themselves as the greatest hunter so they can get the privileges that come with high status.
These ancient characteristics in men for seeking high status are still operating in the deep old part of men's brain. Fortunately, the newer outer layers of the brain are adapted to learning new ways of behaving. Most men today learn to be socialized and behave with good manners. Well-socialized men still compete for high status but in accordance with their culture's unwritten rules. Most often, high status is demonstrated today with large amounts of money and what money can buy, like a big house and luxury car. (And yes, often there still are a lot of women and sex.) Background Discover More . . .
A Quick History About Women, Relationships, and Sex
In ancient times while the men were away on the daily hunt, the women tended the children and worked in groups for safety while gathering seeds, roots, berries, and nuts. These daily activities helped women develop a high skill for spreading their attention among several activities and people all at once. They talked much of the time while doing their chores and improved their relationships within the group of women. It was very important for a woman to be accepted by the other women in the group for her continued protection and survival.
For thousands of generations, a key skill learned by each woman living in communal groups was how to get along with the other female members. Women learned to cooperate rather than compete like the men did. Equal and harmonious relationships within the group was the best way for women to survive in those hard times. Today's modern women still place a high priority on maintaining good relationships, even though often it is not necessary to insure their survival.
How Women Build Relationships
For women, relationship-building is generally a part of every activity with everyone. Women build relationships by freely talking about their daily trivia and troubles. "I will tell you about my life and troubles, and you may tell me about yours so that we can be really close." This unconsciously reassures them they have a good relationship, are protected, safe, and will survive.When a woman tries to build a relationship with a man by talking about her personal life and problems, men don't understand what is happening. Men hear women's problems as a request for help, so men respond with solutions to the women's problems. When a man offers his recommended solution, the woman often feels as if he is trying to diminish her problem or cut her off. Women do not see a relationship developing with the man who wants to "fix her problems." Men don't understand women building relationships with daily trivia and women don't understand men building status by taking action to fix things. Women don't want to be fixed! That makes them feel like they are broken or defective. They want to be heard and form a close relationship!
FACT 1: About Men, Women, and Relationships
- Most men strive to achieve high status and thereby get a lot of sex. This drive begins as a teenager and may not ever stop until they drop dead. Sex with only one woman for a lifetime is not a high priority for many men.
- Women have a strong need in their DNA to pass on their genes to their children. But historically this was not easily done without protection and support from a man. Because this need still is in women's DNA, women still place a high priority on finding a man who will stick around to protect and support them and their children.
- Most women want a good sound relationship going before giving sex to the man she selects as the best one to insure survival of her and her children. This drive is even in women who are just dating for fun and not interested in having children.
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Click here for Fact 2: How the Mating Game Really Works |
