First Step Is Relationship Building

• Women unconsciously analyze and evaluate each relationship from moment to moment.

  Women have an extraordinary ability to evaluate the body language, tone of voice, and words used by men. Women watch carefully how sincere, honest, and close their relationship really is with new men. Most women will look for, and catch, the tiniest things a man does that reveals if he is inconsiderate, selfish, and does not value her and the relationship with her. Women quietly remember each personal violation and keep score! (Guys, beware! She starts keeping score right after you say, "Hello".)

  Men don't need, care about, or watch for the same tight relationship connections with women. Having close relationships usually means men may be obligated to take care of others. So close relationships are a liability. Dating can expose a man to obligations he does not want. (Most guys just want to eat, have sex, and go to sleep! Forget that relationship stuff!)

• Women learn at an early age what gets a guy's attention, and it all deals with sex or his status. (And don't forget, high status is still about getting sex.)

  Women spend considerable time and money trying to appear young, healthy, and sexy in order to appeal to men. If a woman can attract a lot of men, then she has a better chance of "capturing" an excellent mate and provider for her and the children.

  Most men select women by sight. That comes from their ancient hunter DNA instincts. It is in men's DNA to seek out the young, healthy, and sexy women. Unfortunately, a man may not be getting the sexy woman he thinks he is getting. Often the "sexy" woman is disappointing to the man so his interest rapidly disappears. That preference for young, healthy, and sexy women is the way ancient men made the most offspring and a lot of that instinctual drive is still in modern men.

Here are some practical ways a modern civilized man can function with a woman in spite of the differences in both their ancient DNA programming.

Follow these tips to convince your woman that you are as interested in a good relationship (and her survival) as she is. Once she feels her survival is secure in a close and protective relationship, her natural DNA passion will start heating up!

• Show your interest and dedication to her well-being and her high value to you. Women want to feel they are important and valuable so the men will protect and care for them. So guys, periodically ask her how she is doing and if she needs anything -- and mean it! If you satisfy her survival needs, that will change her perception of you and her body chemistry will rev up so that you are more attractive to her.

• Prove to her that you really value her and what she thinks. That means have a real interest in her and what she likes. When you are doing something and she talks to you, do this:
  1. Stop what you are doing and look in her eyes. Try to not go glassy-eyed!
  2. Really listen to what she has to say. Really listen! She will know if you are listening by the size of your eye pupils! (Small pupils mean you aren't listening!)
  3. Encourage her to say more. Let her talk and never jump-in on top of her words. Let her finish, then validate what she said. (Example: "Yes! I agree with what you said. I like that idea.") Allow her plenty of time to reply to your comments, and to go first if she wants to say something else. Notice if her voice drops at the end of her statement. If her voice does not drop, she has more to say! Keep listening. Only after she is finished should you go back to what you were doing.

• When she has a problem or concern that she shares with you, don't try to change her or "fix her". That implies there is something wrong with her, but not with you. The DNA programming here is this: women need to express emotions and how they feel about their personal problems. They want to be heard. That is how they build personal trusted relationships. However, when women express negative feelings or a problem, this often comes across to men as something that needs to be fixed. So naturally, men want to jump in and fix everything. That is a high status and "Alpha Male" need in men. Guys, don't try to fix her! Mostly just listen and accept her the way she is. She just wants to be heard and to express her feelings. The most you need to do is listen, and gently offer your validation to what she said. Offer your support and help if she wants it. To women, sharing problems and feelings is "relationship building." To the guy it may sound like complaining or a cry for rescue - but it is neither!

• Guys, don't try to be anything you aren't! Save the status bragging for your buddies. With a woman be real and let her see that you are an honest and caring guy -- just like every woman wants but has a hard time finding. Share some of your recent embarrassments or problems that you can both laugh at. This shows you are human, and it sounds to her like "relationship building".

• Remember: You can't disguise your feelings easily from a woman because your body language and facial micro-movements will tell her what you are really feeling. Woman can naturally read these cues without even trying. If you try to hide your real feelings, she will see you as a big fake and not trust anything you say or do. She will not feel safe and secure with you. Her true passion will never be released with you!

• If you are "sleeping together", ask her what she would like you to do to make her feel good. That will show her that you value her and she will like you all the more. Then take plenty of time doing what she enjoys! And don't be surprised if what she wants is her feet rubbed! *Just do it! Women's biggest complaint about men in bed is that they have no idea what a woman likes and they don't want to know. Women have great fear of just being used and dumped. And guys, it is OK to ask for directions to her best pleasure centers! Every woman is different and they are biologically much more complicated than men -- and they don't come with an operator's manual. Learn from her how to do it right for her!

  If you are one of those guys who thinks he can't fall asleep without getting "it" every night, give her a break when she is not "in the mood". You may find that she is warm, friendly, and cuddly in the morning instead of hostile and bitchy.

  *Incidentally, the area in the brain for sex and feet are right next to each other. In some people the feet area is larger than the sex area. This may explain foot fetishes and also why some women would rather have their feet rubbed than to have sex.

Summary of Fact 4:
Make her want you by forming a close relationship with her.

What women look for unconsciously is a good relationship with a caring, nurturing guy who can help make a good life for her and her offspring. That is what releases a woman's passion even when she is not wanting children now. Guys, that means lots of sex - but only after her survival needs are satisfied first!

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