Women Search for the Best Man They Can Get

Educated and "street wise" women today who can take care of themselves can afford to be very picky in selecting a mate. In most western countries men must work really hard at courting a woman to be considered seriously as a possible mate. Here are some things that really turn on a woman's unconscious and conscious drives for a man in today's world:
(Below results are from a long term, cross-cultural, international study of women's desires in men for a mate.)

• Current Resources and Economic Capacity.
  Women look for how much territory, tools, and resources a man commands and how willingly he is to share them with her and her offspring. He must demonstrate that he will provide a good life for his family. Not only is his past performance important, but also important is his future and continued potential to maintain valuable resources. This is not very romantic, but it's practical and realistic! At her deepest level, the man wins who has the most resources to best help protect and care for her and the offspring. It has been that way for millions of generations!

• Social Status, Self-confidence, and Ability to Take Care of Himself and His Family. Women are attracted to power and high status in men. Women shun men who are easily dominated by other men and who have difficulty surviving in today's materialistic world. Research reveals women look for, and place a high value on, men who are intelligent, ambitious, and who work hard for advancement and high goals. Men have a hard time faking this one because it is revealed by habitual body language, speech, and interactions with others. Smart guys practice improving these.

• Dependability and Stability. These two important characteristics imply that the man will share his resources and continue reliably protecting and caring for the family in all future unforeseen circumstances. Men fail this category often. It only takes one time to screw-up and miss a date or to "go off in a rant and rage out of control" to be written off by the woman as a looser. Smart guys work to make sure they demonstrate dependability and stability.

• Size, Strength, and Age. A large and strong male body can provide protection for the family from dangerous predators. This is not so important as it was 30,000 years ago, but don't forget, women and men are still programmed with old DNA from then.

  Height is an often stated characteristic women desire in a male. In surveys, most women stated the desired height of their mate should be six feet (182.88 cm). Interestingly, the average US male height is 5 feet 9 inches (175.26 cm). If you are a guy who is "height challenged" (i.e. 'short') go after short women. Improved body posture can increase height slightly but most importantly it signals self-confidence. (Guys, suck in your gut, too.)

  In most cases today, older men have more material resources, personal power, and are more stable and reliable than younger men. Most women of all ages find older men to be a better risk than a young guy. Since men of all ages have a DNA built-in preference for young women, this means young men are competing against both younger and older men for the young women. That means the lucky young women have a wide range of ages they can choose from.

• Health, Cleanliness, and Overall 'Upkeep' of Body. Good health is essential for producing healthy offspring and for a trouble-free, long term relationship with her and the offspring. A man who cannot maintain his own peak health is likely to be a burden to his family in the future. Many men fail this one in the first 10 minutes with a new woman because women use their nose a great deal in unconsciously selecting a mate. A healthy body smells good and is an unconscious "turn-on" for women. A bad smelling man can indicate poor health and make a woman leave immediately.

• Love and Commitment. These two words have different meanings in different cultures but they imply a man's willingness to give his full attention and all his resources unselfishly to his mate and offspring. Also implied is the man's promise of future fidelity and continued protection and shared resources.

  When a woman says that "love" is important, what she is implying is that she wants to insure that his support in the future will continue. His infidelity, and loss of love, could mean redistribution of his resources. A continuing on-going "love connection" is reassuring to the woman for future protection and survival.

• Sense of Humor. Research also shows that a man's good sense of humor is favored highly by women. This develops camaraderie and enlivens the relationship better than any other single characteristic. Good humor also signals good intelligence.

• Intelligence, Kindness, and Sensitivity. It takes considerable experience and education to resolve family problems in today's complex world. There are few men or women who are equipped to succeed without outside help from family, teachers, or counsellors. Quarrels and increasing domestic problems between men and women who were once "in love", appear more often than not. Intelligence, kindness, and sensitivity are especially important to help one survive in today's world filled with obstacles.

  The intellectual capacity to learn how to do problem resolution, plus kindness and sensitivity in relating to others, goes a long way in maintaining a stable family and raising healthy offspring. However, the high divorce rate and number of unhappy people still in marriages indicates that the human brain has not evolved sufficiently to cope well in today's world. Professional help to solve family relationship problems can be priceless. Guys mostly avoid outside help because they think it indicates they are poor hunters and providers. Too bad. Men usually need help more than women because men usually don't have a close support group like most women have.

Even after the childbearing years are over, men and women don't change their preferences much for a mate. Women's preferences for a man stay relatively the same at any age. At the top of men's list of preferences for a woman is usually that she be young, good looking, and sexy - no matter what his age is. That is what worked in ancient times for men to make the most healthy DNA packages (i.e. his offspring). It seems that the software that drives the internal unconscious mental "computer" for mate selection does not come with software upgrades for after the reproductive years!

Guys, you know what you want but you are competing with all the other guys to get it. Remember that the woman is ultimately the one who decides who she gives herself to. The rule for mating in western cultures is this:

Men must court and women will select. That means the guys who work hardest and smartest at courting will win!

Summary of Fact 11:
Men dating today's modern women must follow new rules. The ancient programming in men's DNA does not work well today. Both men and women need to use their logical and rational mind to make decisions about dating and mating. Honest communication about what each expects from the other before going into a mating situation is priceless, although rare.

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