Most men in modern western cultures find a good mate by the process often called "dating" and "courting". This mate finding process is not easy and involves a lot of experimenting and sometimes is filled with embarrassing mistakes. Wise men and women who study the rules of the dating and courting game have the best chances for getting the best mate.
The mate-seeking process varies by culture and religion, and there are traditional rules for this mating game that often are not written down. Generally, frequent dating by the man lets her know that he is interested in her as a possible mate. That makes the task of finding a mate by dating and courting a slow experimental process.
In most western cultures the courting man's general pattern is to request frequent dates with his chosen woman. Courting is done in ways that demonstrates a man's best characteristics so the woman will accept him closer emotionally and physically over time. It is usually her option to let him into her life more -- or not.
Different cultures have established both written and unwritten rules for how close and intimate couples can get during the courting period. This creates many problems in our modern cultures where cross-cultural boundaries are being crossed with inter-racial marriages.
Both parties take their chances and may have to search for a long time going through "trial and error" dates. (Some guys become hermits or devote their efforts to a career or sport rather than face the overwhelming challenges in dating and courting!)
Women are unconsciously watching for signs of how good of a protector and provider the man is. Most women want to know if the man will make a good providing mate, and will stick around to take care of her and the offspring after the initial fun is over. (This is women's DNA at work!)
Most woman need reassurance that the man really likes and values her, and that he is not going to just use her for his own pleasure then abandon her. (GUYS: She is looking for you to demonstrate being stimulating, attentive, protecting, and caring in all matters important to her. She wants to see how much you value her. Lots of luck meeting her expectations!)
Most women consciously and unconsciously seek a man who has these characteristics:
Notice that these characteristics are coming mostly from the DNA of women's prehistoric ancestors who lived in very dangerous conditions. Today's women and men may talk about "love", but only in the past few hundred years have the concepts of "love" and "fidelity" become part of the process of mating. As a species we really are not very advanced in these "love" and "fidelity" concepts based on our record of successful lasting marriages.
Women want EMOTIONAL intimacy. That means she is watching her mate to see how loyal and devoted he is to only her.
Men want PHYSICAL intimacy. Healthy young men make 200 to 300 millon sperm a day! That is a powerful drive to get close, physical, and intimate with a woman! Any woman!
© Copyright 2008, revised 2013 by Lawrence Rodrigues, M.S., Director: EastWest Institute for Self-Understanding
All rights reserved worldwide.