Women in research studies reported that a man's looks (i.e. his handsome characteristics) are low on their list of desired traits. There are many other male characteristics more important to women. The most desired male characteristics relate to a woman's safety and survival. Every woman wants someone who will make a good life for her and her children.
Many women today can take care of themselves and can afford to be very picky in selecting a male mate. In most Western countries today the men must work hard at courting a woman to be considered seriously as a possible mate. Here are the things women consider most important in men:
(Below results are from a long-term, cross-cultural, international study of women's desires in men for a mate.)
Even after the childbearing years are over, men and women don't change their preferences much for a mate. Usually for men at any age, their preferences are for a woman who is young, good looking, and sexy. That is what worked in ancient times for men to make the most healthy offspring.
It seems that the software that drives the internal unconscious mental "computer" for mate selection does not come with software upgrades for after the reproductive years!
There have been some gains made by women in the past decades that are showing up today on the dating scene. With women's newly gained freedoms in some countries, coupled with economic gains, many women need not depend on men for survival. Some modern women have become independent and have changed the rules for finding a mate. Some women are even going it alone or with another woman. Men dealing with these women have to operate in a whole new way!
Approximately 10,000 years ago humans started living in communities of mixed families. Men were in control from the top ruler down to the family unit. Women have been always subservient to the men, except in extremely rare cases. Men liked it this way and have resisted and fought hard to not change the male-dominated systems.
Men have evolved some tactics they think work well with most women. For both men and women there are a lot of hidden true feelings and needs that go unmet. Often both are so involved with playing the game that it is stressful and unsatisfying, and they merely coexist together for convenience.(Jump to top next paragraph . . .)
Most men learn early what they think women want to hear, so men repeat the well-selected phrases at the most appropriate times. Women throughout history probably have always known when men were lying, but to ensure continued protection the women acted like they believed the men - or at least ignored them. However, an independent modern woman does not have to play that game anymore.
Below are timeless examples of men's lies to many modern women who won't be fooled:
Research shows that men lie for two reasons in most cases: To get sex or to raise their status with an untrue brag. Of course, some women lie to men to get more of what they want, too! In most cases, women lie to strengthen a relationship or to make a person feel good.
Here are things the modern woman will watch for in a guy when he is talking to her. (Guys, take notes!)
Modern women are much smarter than most men about relationships and interpersonal communications. They can read your body language ahead of your words. Your every breath, movement, and sound will give her information about what is going on inside you. Women have built-in computers with thousands of years of data from their ancestors about what men want and how they operate.
So guys, in the first four minutes of your talking to her, she will collect enough data to accurately categorize you forever. From then on, she is amusingly watching you do your "act" and "mating dance". This is one of women's most amusing secret sports!
Men are competing with all the other guys to get the most desirable woman.
In most western cultures, the woman is ultimately the one who decides who she gives herself to. That means the guy who works the hardest and smartest at courting will capture her!
The dating and mating game frequently involves a lot of manipulation by both partners to get what they want.
The modern woman is wise and will not be easily fooled by a man trying to get what he wants using his ancient ways.
© Copyright 2008, revised 2013 by Lawrence Rodrigues, M.S., Director: EastWest Institute for Self-Understanding
All rights reserved worldwide.