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Relationships Begin With an Attraction Between Two People
Men and women both say physical appearance is important, but for different reasons!
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Men are unconsciously attracted to women who exhibit these characteristics.
- Healthy skin, hair, teeth, and eyes. These are appealing because they imply the woman can produce healthy children.
- A waist and hip ratio with the waist approximately 70% narrower than the hips. Men in nearly all cultures admire this because it indicates high fertility.
- Symmetrical face and body. This is considered "good looking" and indicates good health and low chromosome damage.
- Youthful. This implies low chromosome damage for healthiest children. The older the woman, the more chance for birth defects.
- Flashy and classy. A "trophy" woman demonstrates to all the other guys that the man is a "great hunter" -- or so his unconscious ego hopes.
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Women are unconsciously attracted to men who exhibit these characteristics:
- Strong, healthy, and agile. In women's DNA is a need for protection and help during pregnancy and child rearing for many years.
- Sees his mate as valuable. More likely that he will protect and support her. "Value" to men comes in many forms.
- Acquires and controls abundant resources. Again, women's primary unconscious drive is to raise children and they historically relied on men to help make a home for them and the children.
- Tall. Six feet (1.83 m) is most frequent height desired, as indicated on surveys. A tall mate would provide good protection.
Interestingly, women's desire for a "good looking" man is quite low on the list of desired traits on surveys. Other characteristics for insuring a long term protective relationship were the highest desired traits on surveys in all cultures sampled.
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Future Mates Look for Similarities in Each Other
If there are enough similarities, the two people may agree to spend time together in an ongoing relationship. There are a huge number of possible areas where the two may have common interests. Here are some of the most frequently listed similar areas desired in partners.
- Similar interests and goals. Sharing time together involved in a mutually interesting project is one of the better aspects of a long term relationship. However, periodically doing different things with people other than the partner is also important to prevent "burn out" in a relationship. Don't expect your partner to satisfy all your needs.
- Similar sexual appetites. Unfortunately, sex drive in men and women has evolved differently. Most men's interest in sex remains strong from puberty up to senility. Not so with women!
Costs Versus Rewards Must Be Fair
After two people have lived together for a time, the cost/reward ratio must be fair and equal for a continued happy relationship.
- Are the costs in time, energy, and commitment worth the rewards in the relationship? Both partners must put much of themselves and their resources into a relationship. That is the "cost" of the relationship. The "rewards" are all the things that make the relationship enjoyable and satisfying. If the ratio between the costs and rewards are not equal for both partners, one partner is going to feel ripped-off and feel used. It is going to be an unequal and unfair relationship. Continuation of the relationship will not be satisfying and will not be a wise investment for the one on the short end.
After the "love" wears thin, the real-life decision for continuing the relationship is based on the "bottom line": costs versus rewards. Are both partners contributing equally to the relationship and life together? If the costs versus rewards ratio is unfair, stress and resentment will cause daily emotional discomfort and eventually disease and an early death.
Fact 12: What Latest Research Reveals About Relationships
Men and women are attracted to different characteristics in a mate. Studying these differences in both you and your partner will greatly facilitate the relationship.
The correlation between happy marriages and good health is high. A happy and loving relationship is priceless for insuring longevity and good health. It is well worth working hard to create and continue the best relationship possible.
Recommended Books.
Search on Amazon.com for details and discount.
(Search a few words of title.)
-- What Women Want in Bed by Dr. Ava Cadell.
-- Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships: Healing the Wound of the Heart by John Welwood.
-- What Women Want to Know About Men: What Men Need to Know About Themselves by Nick Durso.
-- What Women Want from Work by Ruth Woodfield.
-- How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Loving by David Richo.
-- What Does a Woman Want? by Serge Andre.
-- Relationships by Les and Leslie Parrott.
-- Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships by Chip Ingram.
-- What Women Want: What Every Man Needs to Know About Sex, Romance, Passion, and Pleasure by Laurence Roy Stains.
-- What Women Want--What Men Want: Why the Sexes Still See Love and Commitment So Differently by John Marshall Townsend.
-- What Does a Woman Want?: Reading and Sexual Difference by Shoshana Felman.
-- Extraordinary Relationships by Roberta M. Gilbert and Roberta Gilbert.
-- The Relationship Cure: by John Gottman.
-- The Bridesmaid's Reward (What Women Want !) by Liz Fielding.
-- What Do Women Want? by Luise Eichenbaum.
-- What Women Want: The Life You Crave and How God Satisfies by Lisa T. Bergren
-- What a Woman Wants by Brenda Jackson.
-- The Ultimate Guide on Dating and Relationships.
-- Dating For Women Over 40.
-- How to Meet Women and Get Dates.
-- Dating Foreign Women.
-- Female Body Language That Attracts Men.
-- What Do Women Want from Men?
-- What Women Want Men to Know.
-- With This Baby (What Women Want!)
-- Making Your Relationship Work by Matthew McKay.
-- The Secret Language of Relationships by Gary Goldschneider.
--
Relationships for Dummies by Dr. Kate Wachs.
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Relationships 101 by John Maxwell.
-- The Long-Distance Relationship Survival Guide by Chris Bell.
-- The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
-- What Do Women Want from Men?
-- What Women Want: What Men Need to Know.
-- Seduce Me! What Women Really Want.
-- Female Body Language Secrets.
--
Relationship Rescue: by Phillip C. Mcgraw.
--
Relationships: A Mess Worth Making by Tim Lane.
-- Male Body Language That Attracts Women.
-- What Do Women REALLY Want? Chocolate!
--
If This is Love, Why Am I Unhappy? by Scott Kudia.
-- The Idiot's Guide to a Healthy Relationship by Judy Kuriansky.
-- When Anger Hurts Your Relationship by Kim Paleg.
-- Secrets to Strengthen Your Relationship and Make Love Last by Dr. Ellen F. Wachtel.
-- When Your Relationship Ends by Bruce Fisher.
-- The truth about what women want in men.
-- What Women Want Men to Know: The Ultimate Book about Love, Sex, and Relationships for You--and the Man You Love.
-- What Women Want.
-- The Secret of Relationships: Your Complete Personology Guide to Any Relationship with Anyone.
-- The Forbidden Marriage: What Women Want!
-- What Men Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment by Steve Harvey.
-- Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix.
-- What Women Want-What Men Want.
-- Love Signals: A Practical Field Guide to the Body Language of Courtship.
-- What Women Want Next.
-- WHAT WOMEN WANT-WHAT MEN WANT: WHY THE SEXES SEE LOVE AND COMMITMENT SO DIFFERENTLY.
-- What Women Want Most.
-- What Women Want: the Silver Lining of Relationships.
-- Why Women Want What They Can't Have: Why So Many Relationships Fail.
-- What Women Really Want, What Women Really Need.
-- The Girls' Guide to Guys: Straight Talk for Teens on Flirting, Dating, Breaking Up, Making Up & Finding True Love.
-- What Most Women Want / What Few Women Find.
-- What Do Women Want?
-- Men Are From Cyberspace: The Single Woman's Guide To Flirting, Dating, & Finding Love.
-- Satisfaction Guaranteed: What Women Really Want in Bed.
-- What Women Really Want: And How They Can Get It.
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