Relationships Begin With an Attraction Between Two People

Men and women both say physical appearance is important, but for different reasons!

After the physical attraction draws them closer, they look for similarities in each other.

If there are enough similarities, the two people may agree to spend time together in an ongoing relationship. There are a huge number of possible areas where the two may have common interests. Here are some of the most frequently listed similar areas desired in partners.

• Safety and Security. This is more important to women than men because the need is very strong in women's DNA coming from their ancestors. What a woman needs to see in order to feel safe and secure are signs that the man values and appreciates her enough to stick around and take good care of her and her offspring.

  Women are more upset at a mate's emotional infidelity than at his sexual infidelity. That is because there is more potential loss of resources when the emotional connection is switched from the mate to an outsider. When the sexual connection is broken from the mate, the resources are not as likely to be taken away.

  Men are more upset with their mate's sexual infidelity than their emotional infidelity because it may mean he will end up supporting some other man's offspring.

• Similar interests and goals. Sharing time together involved in a mutually interesting project is one of the better aspects of a long term relationship. However, periodically doing different things with people other than the partner is also important to prevent "burn out" in a relationship. Don't expect your partner to satisfy all your needs.

• Similarly active. Not one "couch potato" and one "work-out fanatic". The activity may be moving physically, but also the time together should include rest time with touching. "Physical quality time" must be shared and enjoyed together to sustain the relationship.

• Intellectual equals with good communication skills. This facilitates easier and more stimulating daily interactions with less misunderstandings. It doesn't mean both are equal in education or possess equal knowledge about all subjects. It means both can communicate so that the other can understand and respond intelligently and appropriately. When misunderstandings or disagreements occur, they need the skills to discuss and negotiate a resolution to get back on track and continue the relationship.

• Similar sexual appetites. Unfortunately, sex drive in men and women has evolved differently. Most men's interest in sex remains strong from puberty up to senility. Not so with women!
  
  It is easy to see by the chart why a common complaint of women is that, "All men think about is sex." (Hey! That is not all we men think about. Beer and sports sometimes are interesting -- after sex.)

  Also this DNA programming still strongly influences men today: Frequent sex with as many women as possible is the natural DNA driving force that produced the most offspring for men's ancient ancestors. Humans might have become extinct without that!

• Honesty. Honesty in asking for what you want and for admitting fault or failure if mistakes are made. If you can get all the above successful relationship requirements working between you and your partner, then you may be able to let yourself be the full honest human that you are. No more facade. No more lies to yourself or others. Just be the real you. Let your partner be real, too. And realize that you and your partner are both great, just the way you are! The ultimate goal of all beings is to recognize and see themselves and everyone else in a light of unconditional acceptance and love.

• Equal emotional maturity. This is more important than the two people being similar chronological age. Maturity is indicated by how a person behaves and how socialized he or she is.

• Respect for each other's freedom to make choices. If one partner makes key decisions for the other all the time, that is control of one person by the other. People enter a relationship by choice. Neither one has the right to tell the other what he or she can or can not do. Remember that couples come together by choice and agreement, not obligation.

• Respect for individuality. It is important for both people in a relationship to respect and support the other's goals and ambitions. People must grow and become their ideal self, with the support of his or her partner.

After they have lived together for a time, the cost/reward ratio must be fair and equal for a continued happy relationship.

• Are the costs in time, energy, and commitment worth the rewards in the relationship? Both partners must put much of themselves and their resources into a relationship. That is the "cost" of the relationship. The "rewards" are all the things that make the relationship enjoyable and satisfying. If the ratio between the costs and rewards are not equal for both partners, one partner is going to feel ripped-off and feel used. It is going to be an unequal and unfair relationship. Continuation of the relationship will not be satisfying and will not be a wise investment for the one on the short end.

  After the "love" wears thin, the real-life decision for continuing the relationship is based on the "bottom line": costs versus rewards. Are both partners contributing equally to the relationship and life together? Are the rewards equal and fair for both? If the costs versus rewards ratio is unfair, stress and resentment will cause daily emotional discomfort and eventually disease and an early death.

The correlation between happy marriages and good health is high. Likewise, the correlation between unhappy marriages and poor health is also high.

A happy and loving relationship is priceless for insuring longevity and good health. It is well worth working hard to create and continue the best relationship possible.

Summary of Fact 12:
Men and women are attracted to different characteristics in a mate. It takes much understanding and work to make a relationship last. In spite of these obstacles and differences, "mating is the best game around."

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